Therapy for Neurodivergent Adults: What to Look For

Looking for therapy for neurodivergent adults can be a tricky process.

If you’re looking for therapy for the first time, you might not know where to start.

If you’ve already been to therapy before, you may have realised in hindsight that your past therapist, while well-meaning, might have been out of touch when it comes to neurodivergence.

If you’re like some folks, your experience with a non-neuroaffirming therapist may have even damaged your confidence, trust in yourself, or trust in the therapeutic process. A lot of autistic folks have had struggles with overapplied CBT, which I delve into here.

All this can lead to questions like: what is the best therapy for autistic adults? How about for ADHD? How do I know when I’ve found a fit? What should I look out for?

Some of these questions only you can answer, but in this post I will share a bit of the context that I know as a neurodivergent person working in the therapy field for over five years.

Language Should Be Affirming – Training Too

A Sense of Welcoming Verbiage

Therapy should make you feel seen and welcome. Right away if by reading their description or bio you feel like you are understood, that’s a great early sign.

Mentions of unmasking, autistic or ADHD burnout, disability justice, stims/special interests (in an affirming way), sensory self-care, self-identification, neurodivergent joy, and nurturing the inner neurodivergent child can be green flags. Not all bios will have all this up front, but it’s a good sign if they do.

Potential Red Flags in Profiles and on Websites

Therapy for neurodivergent adults needs to be done right. If I were looking for a therapist that specialises in neurodivergence and they used these phrases on their website or profile, it might give me pause.

ASD

Autism is not a disorder – this is old school terminology. It may be what’s in the DSM-5, but neuro-affirming practitioners will understand the limitations of the DSM criteria and understand the importance of language that is not deficit-based.

on the spectrum

If they’re offering therapy for neurodivergent adults, they should probably be brushed up on this. Why not use identity-first language and say “autistic”? It could be an honest mistake as they may not be aware that the autistic community has shifted away from person-first language, but it might show that they are not currently in tune with the community’s preferences and demands.

[tragic language]

It is one thing to describe the challenges and burdens that can come from being neurodivergent or disabled in a neuronormative and ableist world; this is a typical thing to find in a therapist’s copy writing. It is another thing to be channeling Ursula in “Poor Unfortunate Souls.”

I completed [limited or neuronormative] training…

If this potential therapist isn’t stating their own lived experience of being neurodivergent, where were they trained?

Most therapy colleges lack any sort of neurodiversity training, and certainly most of colleges here in Ireland lack anything robust. Generally they will have need to have done something extra.

If they’ve listed that they’ve done additional training for your neurodiversity paradigm, is it possible to look up the name of that training and find out if it is neurodivergent-led?

A single training day on neurodivergence led by people who have no lived experience of being neurodivergent is not going to provide most therapists with the context to deeply understand.

Many training programmes even teach problematic ideas – for example, some therapists who started in ABA may consider that satisfactory training on autism. (Here’s why ABA, or applied behaviour analysis, is dangerous, in case it’s new to you. Additional research here.)

Some training is a gold standard, like Ausome Training‘s 10-day practitioner course, which is fully autistic-led. Another good solid training in Ireland is The Greenane Centre’s Specialist Diploma in Neurodiversity Informed Practice.

Not all therapists will divulge their neurodivergent identity on their profile, and that’s not inherently wrong, but I definitely see it as a green flag if they do disclose.

If you really like a therapist’s profile but are not sure they’re schooled up enough on neurodivergence, you can consider reaching out and ask about their training.

If they have socials you can follow those and see how much they talk about neurodivergence. LinkedIn is often a little more personal for therapists, but public Instagram and Facebook pages are usually fine for follows from clients and potential clients.

Accessible Therapy for Neurodivergent Adults: Think About the Room

It’s not always easy to know what you need up front – as Socrates said, you don’t know what you don’t know. The full spectrum of types of therapy accommodations is beyond the scope of this post. However: you can have a think about what you want the therapy room itself to be like.

Neuro-affirming Therapy: Online or In-Person?

A lot of ADHD people – especially people with psychomotor overexciteability, I’d wager – prefer to share a physical space with therapists. Maybe this means a therapy room, maybe it means you find a walking therapist like my colleague Claire or someone who incorporates movement into the indoor session.

This isn’t across the board, though – a lot of ADHD and AuDHD folks find online therapy more accessible, too, for different reasons – like the sensory exhaustion that can come from commutes and travel. Or maybe the autistic side of you lives for routine or having your environment in place where you can adjust temperature and reach for your teddy or art supplies whenever.

One of the great things about online therapy is that there are so many fewer parts of your body showing that you have to remember to mask. Arguably, more of your focus can then go to your mind and feelings.

So you’re nervous about fidgeting because people have called attention to it? Won’t come up! That’s off screen. Tired of your autistic facial expressions being misinterpreted and it drains you? Off the camera goes! Neuroaffirming therapists should accommodate this.

Checking in with Yourself: What Would Improve Access?

If you’ve done therapy before, reflect back on what things about the room or format helped you feel calm and present and able to open up.

If you haven’t done therapy before, think about your worries and whether there’s a workaround, or perhaps raise your worries with your new therapist early on so you can tell how receptive they are and if they have suggestions.

If you don’t feel like you can let down your guard in a certain environment and the therapist can’t or won’t adjust it, feel free to move on.

The Importance of Lived Experience: Find a Neurodivergent Therapist

No amount of training will replace having the firsthand experience of what it means to exist in a neurodivergent body. Autistic clients having an autistic therapist for the first time will say it’s a gamechanger. But how do you find them?

Seek a Group Practice Specialising in Neurodivergence

Good news – sometimes neurodivergent therapists move in packs. I’m in one, and I love it.

Violet Psychology is a fully neurodivergent, fully queer collective of therapists. We’re ethical non-monogamy informed, kink-aware, sex worker allied, and understand the political nature of therapy. Read about our team (including me) here: The Violet Psychology Team

Many neurodivergent people are also practicing ethical non-monogamy including polyamory. If the couples counsellors at Violet Psychology are full, you can always try Laurie May Atkinson; they are UK-based but familiar with the landscape in Ireland and provide excellent at neuroaffirming care for polyamorous people, couples, throuples and ‘cules.

In Ireland, Rainbow Minds is a well-thought of neurodivergent and LGBTQIA+ practice staffed fully with people from the communities. They offer the highly elusive low-cost therapy when available. They also offer retreats, talks, and workshops.

For an in-person space with lovely vibes and a wide selection of practitioners, both in-person and online, you can also check out Insight Matters. I have done therapy with one of the therapists there during college and found them absolutely lovely.

Check a Neurodivergent Therapist Directory

The Neurodivergent Practitioners Directory via Thriving Autistic

The Neurodivergent Practitioners Directory is a global network of therapists, coaches, psychologists, and more, developed and sustained by autistic-led advocacy org Thriving Autistic. The Neurodivergent Practitioners Directory allows people with listings to include their neurodiverse and disability identities, up to neurotype, mood and personality conditions, type of chronic illness and experience with trauma. Pronouns and fees are listed up front. This is the most comprehensive and detailed global directory to my knowledge.

NeurodivergentTherapists (NDtherapists.com) global directory

NDtherapists.com has a growing global directory. The UK side is much more comprehensive than the Irish one at the moment, but many UK practitioners will see Irish clients and the Irish section is growing. United States clients seeking care on this site have a smorgasbord.

AUsome Directory from AUsome Training

AUsome Training – the leading autistic-led training organisation in Ireland – has a directory listing practitioners who have completed either their 10-Day Dawn Course for professionals supporting autistic adults or their Leanbh course for supporting autistic young people. AUsome Training also does ADHD training, a hybrid conference, self-paced online training and much more.

Neurodivergenttherapists.com (UK Registered Therapist Directory)

Neurodivergenttherapists.com has a primarily UK-based listing – Irish therapists must be on a UK therapy register to be listed, which many won’t pay the extra for as most of us find we are very much needed here. However, if you’d like more variety to choose from and are OK with online therapy, this is an additional resource.

Use Identity Qualifiers on Therapy Search Engines

Psychology Today is the most common therapist search engine with an international presence. When you’re searching for practitioners on Psychology Today, you can search for practitioner specialisms (like autism or ADHD) or you search by identity. You can’t search for neurodivergent identity but if you filter by LGBTQIA+ along with the neurodivergence specialisms that might get you closer. Here are some results for Dublin. Psychology Today lacks dyspraxia and dyslexia specialism options.

One key thing to remember is that Psychology Today practitioners will often tick every box to try to cast a wide net. Bit of advice? Avoid the wide net casters. Go for specialising. Check the profiles for how much is ticked to make sure they aren’t just trying to reach the lowest common denominator. The box being ticked doesn’t mean they are even properly trained, it’s just a place to start narrowing names down. Do more research once you’ve found a profile.

“How will I know when I have found the right therapist as a neurodivergent person?”

I can’t tell tell you for sure – it’s so individual and we often don’t know what to look for until we are considering the last relationship in hindsight. Also, therapy has ups and downs. Sometimes therapy will feel hard and scary and triggering; sometimes it will feel safe and comfortable and peaceful.

However you should have the sense, at least over the course of the first few sessions, that you are capable of building a trusting relationship with this person, and that this person is capable of understanding you. Therapists are professional understanders, especially person-centred ones. You have to do a little bit of teaching, with everyone, but an attuned therapist should be able to pick up what you’re putting down.

If you get pushback when you try to explain your neurodivergent needs or the knowledge gap seems vast, please save yourself time and money and heartache. There is another therapist out there.

Also if you disclose your neurodivergence and they say something in response that makes you go…

…trust your gut and move on. A neuroaffirming therapist won’t say something othering or inappropriate or just weird at the point of disclosure because they’ll understand how important that moment is.

If you feel like being in the room is emotionally uncomfortable for the reason that therapy is hard – it’s vulnerable and sometimes activating – but they are a person you connect with and feel understood by, that’s not necessarily a bad place to be.

More Best Practices for Neuroaffirming Therapists

I am not the first person to write about what makes a neuroaffirming practitioner – in fact some people have thought very deeply about it. I’ll leave you with a final checklist.

The Neurodivergent Practitioners Community collected a list of commitments to practicing in a neuroaffirming way, inspired by the Therapist Neurodiversity Collective International. As you progress in your therapeutic relationship with your new therapist, here are some things to think about based on the experiences of many neurodivergent therapists and their client community. The Neurodivergent Practitioners Community commits that:

1. We presume competence
2. We offer alternative & augmentative communication methods
3. We advocate for self-determination
4. We advocate for inclusion
5. We facilitate self-advocacy skills
6. We do not support ABA practice or any methodologies that teach compliance
7. We take a strengths-based approach
8. We respect each clients autonomy
9. We respectfully appreciate intersectionality in both ourselves and our clients & work to unpack any privilege we may have
10. We are actively anti-racist
11. We are LGBTQIA+ affirmative
12. We actively seek out CPD, research and learnings from other neurodivergent adults
13. We use identity-first language while respecting individual clients preferences

Final Thoughts

Hopefully you now have some new ideas (or reaffirmed existing ones) on how to find a neuroaffirming therapist. Please feel free to reach out on my contact form to email me suggestions if there are items you’d like me to consider adding – although criticism from strangers is only accepted in dis track form. 🙂

Please remember that therapy should give you the sense that you are understood. And well done you for taking steps to take care of your wonderful neurodivergent self.